You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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