my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
