If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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