Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
