We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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