two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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