should my penis look like a turkey
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
