i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
