How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
