You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
