I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
