His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
