I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
