I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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