Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
