Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
