I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
His hands were made for my vagina.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
