I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
