drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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