Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
