I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
a search helicopter?!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
