Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
