Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
