remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
