as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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