She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
