I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
