butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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