the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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