Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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