take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
