I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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