Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
