just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
