can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
as a side note pls kill me
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