I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
