my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
