I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
