I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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