win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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