Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
