You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
