textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Houston, we have a squirter
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You were trust falling into bushes
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
