My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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