Barsexuality is the new black.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
