Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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