I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm both gender and math confused
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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