her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize