Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We were destined to go to rehab together
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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