So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
