If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
