Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
