Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Lo siento on account of my penis...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
