Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
