Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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