I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
and you fell through a lawn chair
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
