well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
