Pants 0. Shit 1.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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