So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
where does the pee come out of this thing
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sext me about skeletons
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
