If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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