Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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