I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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