based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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