I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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