remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
