just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
