btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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