I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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