He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And then my night got REAL pukey
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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