Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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