I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
