he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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