there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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