my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
