i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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