What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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