Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
