I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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