He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
