my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
