READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
