I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize