Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
please come you make the beer taste better
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
