May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
