So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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