I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
