I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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