just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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