Can i not drive my cunt home
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize