Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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