you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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