You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
