This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
