lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
