I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
