There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
