last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
