I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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