3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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