so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
