I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
