I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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