Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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