So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
