butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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