yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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