We're like a lot better than the average bears
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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