kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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