It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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