Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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