I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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