Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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