I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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