I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
